• In Loving Arms

Zain, Big Brother to Zahar


These pictures were taken days before finding out Zahar's heart stopped in March of 2017. Zain was really excited to be a big brother and wanted to take pictures with who he knew was his baby brother (we didn't know the gender). When I came home from the hospital after having delivered Zahar, Zain wasn't feeling well and had been throwing up. He didn't know why I was gone for so long (Wednesday-Saturday). He laid his head on my stomach and said "Hi Nugget!" and immediately knew. He followed with "Is the baby still there?" And that's when the tragic truth had to be told. He didn't believe me at first and asked to see my belly button. When I was pregnant, it pushed out fairly easy but when he tried that time, it didn't.


We both started crying. He was sad and very scared. Up until then, he thought only old people died. He didn't show or express his emotions much at home but they came out at school. Good thing he went to a Catholic School. He cried with his teacher, prayed at church, and was consoled by his friends. His emotions come and go and some days are harder than others for him. He still struggles with missing his brother and not being able to be a big brother in the physical world. He still doesn't really like to express his emotions at home, but felt more comfortable with his teacher this past school year as well.

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